THE PEACOCK REPORT (TPR)

U.S. To Bestow Beneficence Upon Nigeria

The White House and the U.S. Congress, having cleaned up their act, have begun booting all of the bribers, thieves, and other evildoers out of Washington, D.C., right? That's why we (The U.S. of A) are taking our show on the road to.... you guessed it: Nigeria! The U.S. Agency for International Development (USAID) is looking for an adviser to guide what the agency is referring to as the "Governing Justly and Democratically" program in that nation. USAID hopes to fill this slot as soon as possible, as it is eager to invest a proposed federal infusion of $750,000,000 of U.S. taxpayer dollars toward anticorruption efforts wordlwide.

As previously reported here at Exhortations and at sister-site The Peacock Report, the U.S. thus far has begun "routing corruption in... Tanzania. We have brought 'good governance' initiatives to... Afghanistan. We are changing the culture of governmental corruption in... Armenia. Likewise, we're gonna show a thing or two to those corrupt bastards in... Moldova." And don't forget Uganda, too.

And now, ladies and gents, the "Beacon of Light" roadshow is tripping on over to Africa, where a privately contracted adviser will help the U.S. become a Shining Star for all to see; according to a contracting document that Exhortations recently obtained, the star will glow most brightly in Nigeria!

U.S. Needs Uganda's Help -- Write Now, Before It's Too Late!

Exhortations to the Oblivious recently reported on the astounding prospect of Washington, D.C., leading international efforts to rid the world of governmental corruption, with Uganda being the latest recipient of our beneficence and, um, ethical leadership [If you have just vomited or laughed so abruptly that mucus accidentally flew out of your nostrils, it's understandable; people rarely utter the phrases "ethical leadership" and "Washington, D.C.," in the same sentence, so, seeing them paired together must have come as a shock.]  Anyhow, Exhortations has gotten its hands on a list of folks and organizations -- replete with e-mail addresses -- whom on May 30 attended a USAID/Kampala "Confrerence" [sic] on this particular segment of the Strengthening Capacity to Fight Corruption initiative.

In light of the rampant corruption of the U.S. federal government (and the corruption of state governments such as the one here in New Jersey), we think its time to ask these Ugandans and the contractors seeking to secure a piece of the action to return the favor: help us fight corruption in Washington, D.C. and elsewhere in the United States, because we sure as hell can't do it on our own, as you all may have already suspected.

Please utilize this e-mail list -- do it now! -- and contact the "confrerence" [sic] attendees to enlist their assistance.

Save us from ourselves, Uganda! Save us!

I'm Back -- And Soon, Uganda Will Be, Too

In recent months I've neglected to refresh Exhortations to the Oblivious, but now that I've discovered that the federal government has purged itself of corruption -- and is continuing to take its anti-corruption show on the global road -- I decided against delaying for even an additional moment my foray back into political humor. Folks, I am proud to announce that the U.S. Agency for International Development (USAID), with the help of private contractors, intends to "implement a program designed to strengthen Uganda’s capacity to fight public sector corruption," according to a government "presolicitation notice" that Exhortations had located. The document, which USAID posted to the FedBizOpps contractor database just today (May 7), seeks proposals from firms capable of helping those poor Africans "to build the capacity of the Government of Uganda's anti-corruption agencies and Ugandan civil society organizations."

No further information about this project is currently avaialable, but then again, who needs it? The White House and the U.S. Congress have cleaned up their act. It's household knowledge that they have booted all of the bribers, thieves, and other evildoers out of Washington, D.C. As this site has already reported, we (The U.S. of A) have committed $750,000,000 of U.S. taxpayer dollars toward anticorruption efforts wordlwide. Thus far, we have begun routing corruption in... Tanzania. We have brought "good governance" initiatives to... Afghanistan. We are changing the culture of governmental corruption in... Armenia. Likewise, we're gonna show a thing or two to those corrupt bastards in... Moldova.

Uganda is next. Idi Amin is going to roll in his grave.

Ain't G.O.T. No Satisfaction

It's obvious that the federal government's decision to infuse nearly a billion dollars into a global anti-corruption initiative would never suffice, 'cause obviously it will take a sum greater than $750 million to adequately spread Washington, D.C.'s love of fairness, equal opportunity and strong ethics to each and every corner of the planet. Now, U.S. taxpayers get to throw around (throw away?) even more of the treasury, purportedly in the name of solving the world's problems... starting with... you guessed it: the Government of Tanzania (G.O.T.)!

According to a July 26 procurement notice, the U.S. Agency for International Development (USAID) will provide up to $2.6 million to "provide technical support to Tanzania's public procurement reform program." In other words, Tanazania's elected and public officials are exploiting their governmental positions for the sake of self-enrichment, and the Good Ol' USA, golly gee willickers, is going to help those Tanzanian devils to clean up their act -- with the help, of course, of a U.S. contractor capable and willing to spread that big, bagfull of U.S. cheer and love.

Exhortations to the Oblivious is aware of counter-criticisms that over-emphasize the arguably pibbly level of each dose of corporate welfare doled out by USAID and other treasury-transfer organizations such as the U.S. Trade & Development Agency. However, ETTO urges the reader -- before he or she dismisses us as whiny liberals or as anti-Put-Ronald-Reagan's-Face-On-Mount-Rushmore-types, to consider:

(1) USAID and USTDA are expert specialists in siphoning money from the U.S. citizenry just a few hundred-thousand or a million or so at a time, and: (2) Weighing the following nitty gritty details of this seemingly miniscule $2.6 million larceny:

USAID, in the project's Request for Proposals, suggests that, out of the $2.6 million award, the selected vendor ultimately will spend:

i) $200,000 to host four "multi-stakeholder forums."

ii) $200,000 to "develop and pilot integrity pacts."

iii) $45,000 to "prepare a code of ethics."

iv) $200,000 to conduct four more "multi-stakeholder forums" in Year Two of the contract.

v) $25,000 to "disseminate code of ethics."

vi) $220,000 to "rollout integrity pacts," (whatever the hell that involves).

It's been rumored, once again, that disgraced lobbyist Jack Abramoff and ex-Congressman/convicted-felon Randy "Duke" Cunningham plan to submit bids on this project. However, these rumours could not be independently confirmed.

Bank Like An Egyptian

If only my wife were an Egyptian banker, we wouldn’t be having the damn problems we’re having right now.

Abramoff Fails to Appease Judge Prior To Sentencing, Despite 4-Ton Purchase of Girl Scout Cookies

Disgraced lobbyist Jack Abramoff once treated 14 beaming kids to a surprise visit to a National Hockey League (NHL) locker room, where a professional referee made himself available to chat with the young sports fans. Such an act of kindness was sufficient to stir the compassionate spirit of that particular referee, whom the Associated Press revealed had sent a letter to U.S. District Judge Paul Huck urging him to show mercy on Abramoff.

Huck then sentenced Abramoff to a six-year term in the Big House.

Armor & Irony: Destroy the Village & Sell Huts to Homeless Villagers

Isn't it ironic that U.S. industry produces items such as mini armored troop carriers while simultaneously manufacturing bombs known as sensor fuzed weapons, which are made to destroy such human-delivery watercraft?

Come to think of it, they probably limit sales of this disparate combination of protective and destructive goods to just the good guys. So, there you have it: a natural and understandable balance to an otherwise contradictory production schema. Similarly, I have found such a logical balance in the attempted bribery of Congress, whose members -- such as my dear congressman Rep. Don Sherwood (R-Pa.), indicted ex-House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (R-Texas), and incarcerated felons such as ex-Rep. Randy “Duke” Cunningham (R-Cal.) -- have stood side-by-side to collect millions of dollars from the political action committees of global military-hardware behemoths such as Textron.