THE PEACOCK REPORT (TPR)

Quote of the Week -- Iraqi Freedoms & Rights?

"Our constitution guarantees the right to peacefully express one's views. The men and women in our military are fighting to bring the people of Iraq these same rights and freedoms. The president believes it is important to stay on the offense in Iraq."

Nicole Guillemard, White House spokeswoman, quoted by AP correspondent Lubna Takruri in an Oct. 6 article Thousands Nationwide Protest Bush.

Exhortations to the Oblivious could not independently confirm rumors that Guillemard had been smoking crack before making this statement to reporters at the bar of Sam & Harry's, a posh Washington, D.C. restaurant frequented by diverse Hill politicos rangings from Sen. Ted Kennedy to the family of the late Sen. Strom Thurmond, whose putrid ashes frequently continue to get passed around the bar for a feel by the highest bidder, to whom the Thurmond family weekly awards one free South Carolina "Peach Cobbler" scratch-off lottery ticket as well as two tickets to the winner's location-of-choice as per the guidelines of the Ultimate Black Stripclub Directory.

Other Hill sources say that Guillemard was not smoking crack before blurting out her ridiculous comments to reporters, but instead had ingested two old Quaaludes and a four-pack of Dogfish Head Punkin Ale (yes, "Punkin," not "Pumpkin") prior to entering S&H. Hence, the absence of references to the tens of thousands of deceased noncombatant Iraqis killed by U.S.-led "coalition" forces who almost got a taste of freedom and democracy. Oh well, let them eat commas, those poor sons o'. . . oh, never mind.

DISCLOSURE STATEMENT: This writer, in the name of full disclosure, confesses to receiving -- while alternately perched in the past at a barstool and at a comfy booth in S&H -- items such as free meals, pen-sets and tote-bags from industry lobbyists and public relations flacks, including, but not limited to, companies such as Arianespace (yes, they're French, but the free pens did not influence my decision to dismiss the whole post-9/11 French Fries/Freedom Fries debate on Capitol Hill as pure, irrelevant silliness).

Likewise, my unwillingness to allow Arianespace and other generous Press-Butt-Sniffing Companies influence my reporting while covering Capitol Hill and the Pentagon for Communications Daily (2001-2003) did not stem from the fact that I inadvertently assumed I was in the presence of wet, aromatic, stray dogs during a live video feed of a Arianespace rocket-launch at the National Press Club, when, in fact, no dogs were present, but several Arianespace executives -- who apparently were unfamilar with the concepts of "dry cleaning," "daily bathing," or "deodorant" -- were mingling together, competing for the attention of investigators from the U.S. Dept. of Environmental Protection.

Anyhow, where was I? Never mind, I seemed to have strayed. Like a dawg.

Hooray for Global Warming

Visit sister site Exhortations to the Oblivious for the most recent Quote of the Week. No doubt the best one yet.

"Hooray for Global Warming" (Quote of the Week)

"Personally, I dont know what all the shouting is about. Global warming is great. Granted, maybe it isnt really happening, and if it is there are strong reasons to doubt that humans have anything to do with it. But if the world is warming, I say bravo." -- James S. Robbins, contributing editor, National Journal Online, from his Aug. 8 commentary "Hooray For Global Warming -- Surf's Up!"

Credit for this discovery goes to Enviroweb scientist Eugene Macri, who recently nominated Robbins as Environmental Dickhead of the Week.

Truth, Myth and Distortion

Donald Rumsfeld alternately explores and applies a sledgehammer to Truth in a speech this week to the American Legion, warranting a Quote of the Week designation from sister site Exhortations to the Oblivious.

Truth... Or Consequences (Quote of the Week)

Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said in a speech to the American Legion this week that "it's a strange time" in which we live, referring to the media's belated criticism of the War on Iraq, et al. Indeed, we are living in a strange time, Mr. Secretary, as you apparently think we Americans should be goose-stepping in unison, marching on Newsweek and the New York Times with torches in hand.

The following excerpt, which Exhortations to the Oblivious learned about via William M. Arkin's "Early Warning" blog at WashingtonPost.com (see: Rumsfeld's Enemy: It's Us), is ETTO's unequivocal pick for Quote of the Week:

It seems that in some quarters there's more of a focus on dividing our country than acting with unity against the gathering threats.

It's a strange time:

When a database search of America's leading newspapers turns up literally 10 times as many mentions of one of the soldiers who has been punished for misconduct -- 10 times more -- than the mentions of Sergeant First Class Paul Ray Smith, the first recipient of the Medal of Honor in the Global War on Terror;

Or when a senior editor at Newsweek disparagingly refers to the brave volunteers in our armed forces -- the Army, the Navy, the Air Force, the Marines, the Coast Guard -- as a "mercenary army;"

When the former head of CNN accuses the American military of deliberately targeting journalists; and the once CNN Baghdad bureau chief finally admits that as bureau chief in Baghdad, he concealed reports of Saddam Hussein's crimes when he was in charge there so that CNN could keep on reporting selective news;

And it's a time when Amnesty International refers to the military facility at Guantanamo Bay -- which holds terrorists who have vowed to kill Americans and which is arguably the best run and most scrutinized detention facility in the history of warfare -- "the gulag of our times." It’s inexcusable.

Those who know the truth need to speak out against these kinds of myths and distortions that are being told about our troops and about our country. America is not what's wrong with the world.
The struggle we are in -- the consequences are too severe -- the struggle too important to have the luxury of returning to that old mentality of "Blame America First."

(The full text of Rumsfeld's remarks are available at DoD's DefenseLink.)

Venezuela "Exceeded Its Defensive Needs"

"We repeatedly talked to the Russian government that the arms purchases planned by Venezuela exceeded its defensive needs and are not helpful in terms of regional stability. We certainly hope that Russia will reconsider." -- State Department spokesman Tom Casey, quoted by Reuters on Tuesday in response to Russia's billion-dollar sale of fighter planes and helicopters to Venezuela.

For an in-depth analysis and interpretation of this quote, visit TPR sister site Exhortations to the Oblivious.

Venezuela 'Exceeded Its Defensive Needs'

"We repeatedly talked to the Russian government that the arms purchases planned by Venezuela exceeded its defensive needs and are not helpful in terms of regional stability. We certainly hope that Russia will reconsider." -- State Department spokesman Tom Casey, quoted by Reuters on Wednesday in response to Russia's billion-dollar sale of fighter planes and helicopters to Venezuela.

ANALYSIS/INTERPRETATION: Exhortations to the Oblivious has sifted through and re-processed the above Orwellian Doublespeak from the State Dept., and offers this alternative interpretation: "[T]he arms purchases planned by Venezuela exceeded what is permissible under the hegemonic policies dictated by the unwrittem Hemispheric Bully Rule of the United States, and are not helpful in terms of Washington's ability to dominate the region in perpetuity. We hope Russia won't attempt to publicly comment on our transparently hypocritical hyperbole, and will refrain from pointing out that the U.S. is the world's leading exporter of arms and weapons of mass distraction, ummm, I mean, destruction."

ADDITIONAL NOTE: Exhortations founder Steve Peacock is elated with the prospect of providing such interpretations on a regular basis, and pledges to continue offering this public service as often as possible on behalf of sister site The Peacock Report. Stay tuned for more analyses of other obscenely obsfuscated quotes from government and industry in the near future.