Cash In and Kiss Your Food Stamps Goodbye

Attention, cashiers of America! Your days of making $6.50 an hour cashiering at the supermarket -- you know, that store where you bring your government-issued food stamps because the place refuses to pay you enough to actually shop there -- may be over. Well, at least for one of you.

The U.S. Agency for International Development (USAID) is looking to hire an experienced cashier and the agency is looking to pay you quite well -- in the $42,040-$54,649 range, no less.

There's one catch, however. You have to move to Baghdad. Yes, that one. The one in Iraq. Yes, the country where your future employer, the U.S. government, has sent about 2,500 of our soldiers to early graves in a war based on Executive Branch lies and fraud. But don't concern yourself with that, 'cause soon you'll be making big bucks and living a Baghdad dream.

And fret not about getting yourself blasted to bits, because according to a May 9 federal personnel-services notice that Exhortations to the Oblivious has so graciously acquired, you'll be living in a protected USAID compound, which the notice says is  "located within the guarded and fortified International Zone in Baghdad. Housing is provided in the newly built hard houses."

The document clearly indicates living in a Hard House will be fun, as it is situated within a USAID compound that "comprises also a restaurant, gym, and an office building."

Sounds like fun! I say throw your food-stamp card in the garbage right now, then go and tell your manager at Price Chopper to kiss your rear end -- because you're Baghdad-bound, baby!